Some people would call me a good housekeeper, creative financier, good mother, wife. I suppose I am good at all those things but, the truth is I’m slowly killing myself.
I do between 3-5 loads of laundry every day, not because they are big loads and we are close to having nothing to wear, but because I can’t sit and know there is laundry to be done.
Every day I have to pick up after Michael SEVERAL times a day, why? Because, I can’t stand to see the toys all over the house.
Every day I have to go onto my online bank account, balance the checkbook, and then refer to our budget that I painstakingly have pre-planed out a year in advance.
Every Friday I have to figure out what I am going to wear for work, lay it out in order of the days they will be worn and according to what google says the weather will be Sat, Sun, Mon, and Tue.
I micro manage everything!!!!
“OOIEEE!, Moyra {one of many nick names, don’t ask}” Al says all the time, as I then rebuttal with “well, if you take something off put it in the laundry”, “if you use the bank card give me a receipt”, “why don’t you clean the sink out after you are done with it?”, before leaving the house “Al, to you have your wallet, glasses, keys, phone”. Oh and the phone “What’s the point in having a cell if you don’t answer it?” I say.
I also hear a lot, “just sit down Joan {Joan Crawford from Mommy Dearest, another nick name I have earned myself} you have been back and forth to the laundry room 10 times tonight”.
I sometimes tell myself that I am so controlling because I have no control over the situation with Michael’s disability. The truth is {wow this truth stuff is not fun}, I have always been like this.
Is it environmentally instilled in me? My mother is the same way, she will say she is not but I can remember when I was a teenager vacuuming and if she could not see the vacuum lines overlap I would have to do it again.
I do between 3-5 loads of laundry every day, not because they are big loads and we are close to having nothing to wear, but because I can’t sit and know there is laundry to be done.
Every day I have to pick up after Michael SEVERAL times a day, why? Because, I can’t stand to see the toys all over the house.
Every day I have to go onto my online bank account, balance the checkbook, and then refer to our budget that I painstakingly have pre-planed out a year in advance.
Every Friday I have to figure out what I am going to wear for work, lay it out in order of the days they will be worn and according to what google says the weather will be Sat, Sun, Mon, and Tue.
I micro manage everything!!!!
“OOIEEE!, Moyra {one of many nick names, don’t ask}” Al says all the time, as I then rebuttal with “well, if you take something off put it in the laundry”, “if you use the bank card give me a receipt”, “why don’t you clean the sink out after you are done with it?”, before leaving the house “Al, to you have your wallet, glasses, keys, phone”. Oh and the phone “What’s the point in having a cell if you don’t answer it?” I say.
I also hear a lot, “just sit down Joan {Joan Crawford from Mommy Dearest, another nick name I have earned myself} you have been back and forth to the laundry room 10 times tonight”.
I sometimes tell myself that I am so controlling because I have no control over the situation with Michael’s disability. The truth is {wow this truth stuff is not fun}, I have always been like this.
Is it environmentally instilled in me? My mother is the same way, she will say she is not but I can remember when I was a teenager vacuuming and if she could not see the vacuum lines overlap I would have to do it again.
Or, am I just making excuses for being like this? I think it’s the later.
I am not spontaneous; I have to plan every detail. I don’t relinquish the household managerial duties because, “no one can do it like I can”
Some how, Al made it through his adult life before we got married without me.
I’m truly amazed that he does not go off the deep end and go postal on me. This man truly deserves an award for putting up with the most nagging in this life. I am pretty sure after a while I can only imagine I start sounding like the teacher from The Peanuts cartoon "wah wa wa wah wah."
This thing, this problem has been the root to destroying my relationship with the Lord.
“Let go and let God”, so cliche but so true.
“Why Sharlene don’t you trust me?” I can hear him say, and yes it nags at me ALL the time. How many times do I have to be disciplined by my Father above to finally realize that I am not in control? How many gifts does he have to hit me over the head with, so obvious they are from him to get me to see he wants to help and bless me?
Things happen that bring me to my knees in prayer, then life gets back on track, I take all the credit, and start to control it myself again. Over and over and over again this happens. It’s like telling Michael, “don’t bang your head on the wall it is going to hurt you” but he goes back and continuously does it.
How many times am I going to bang my head on the wall before I get the point? I am hurting myself and those around me.
Envy is a horrible thing, something we are taught not to do. But, I envy those who seem to be able to have faith, “let go and let God”.
I would’t have to be envious if I would just let go. Why can’t I? Why isn’t it just as simple as saying “I can’t do this Lord please HELP me, your will be done”. Some would say it IS that simple but it’s not for me. I just hope I can WAKE UP before it’s too late, I hope one day I can "let go and let God".
I am not spontaneous; I have to plan every detail. I don’t relinquish the household managerial duties because, “no one can do it like I can”
Some how, Al made it through his adult life before we got married without me.
I’m truly amazed that he does not go off the deep end and go postal on me. This man truly deserves an award for putting up with the most nagging in this life. I am pretty sure after a while I can only imagine I start sounding like the teacher from The Peanuts cartoon "wah wa wa wah wah."
This thing, this problem has been the root to destroying my relationship with the Lord.
“Let go and let God”, so cliche but so true.
“Why Sharlene don’t you trust me?” I can hear him say, and yes it nags at me ALL the time. How many times do I have to be disciplined by my Father above to finally realize that I am not in control? How many gifts does he have to hit me over the head with, so obvious they are from him to get me to see he wants to help and bless me?
Things happen that bring me to my knees in prayer, then life gets back on track, I take all the credit, and start to control it myself again. Over and over and over again this happens. It’s like telling Michael, “don’t bang your head on the wall it is going to hurt you” but he goes back and continuously does it.
How many times am I going to bang my head on the wall before I get the point? I am hurting myself and those around me.
Envy is a horrible thing, something we are taught not to do. But, I envy those who seem to be able to have faith, “let go and let God”.
I would’t have to be envious if I would just let go. Why can’t I? Why isn’t it just as simple as saying “I can’t do this Lord please HELP me, your will be done”. Some would say it IS that simple but it’s not for me. I just hope I can WAKE UP before it’s too late, I hope one day I can "let go and let God".
